This chapter is an edited version of a long conversation between H and I. What’s especially significant is early-stage Awareness of dealing with BMNs. We typically see the consequences toward the end of a relationship or extended interaction, or after, but seldom do we get to see what a huge effect BMNs can have on a good person right from the beginning. How severely they affect another’s being, their mindsets, perception, feelings, and self-worth. The conversation is significant for demonstrating working through a problem, sticking with the Intent-to-Resolution. And of course, also about Love between friends.
H: I’m just so over this exchange thing – which is silly because it’s so simple. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I just want to do my own thing or be in a partnership which aids me in a real way?
It’s a good room-mate situation on so many levels for both parties. I was intending a rent exchange. yet I’m frustrated.
…It’s a chore. Yet yesterday I did some work, just sweeping the deck and raking leaves etc., out in the garden at some-one’s place. I enjoyed it immensely.
Me: Just lay down what you need and want. Say so firmly and clearly. At the same time define what she’ll get. Give her much more than she ever expects, like you’ll take care of her completely.
H: My heart’s not in it.
Me: Yes, I understand its dilemma, but operate from a point of expediency, like you’re a nurse with an unruly home-care patient.
H: I like the idea of the house, meaning I like a beautiful home with these spectacular views, not necessarily this place… there’s an energy to it… It’s very well situated and convenient for me to walk everywhere, etc. Everything is good really. Except I’m no longer feeling it…
Me: Oh dear. Sweetness, try telling D exactly how you feel. Maybe that desperation to keep you will reform her.
H: I understand what you’re saying, however I just don’t have the interest, the heart. And I ought to!!! It’s a place to stay and a good one, in so many ways!!! What’s Up with Me?
Me: I mean, you can go the other way also, explain you want love and peace and sweetness and gentleness and kindness and grace and harmony and beauty and joy in the interaction.
H: Are you reading what I’m saying?
I don’t have the glue…
Me: Yes, I really am, the only answers are for either you or her to leave, or change. This is the harsh reality, I’m trying to find a softer alternative.
H: You’d think I ought to be Motivated. Yet!! I’m not!!
Me: Then don’t be. Seriously. Let that be your guidance, just go with whatever comes your way and enjoy the things you like in between. For the rest, just meet them with inner silence
I mean, the harsh reality is that D isn’t nice. I’m trying to soften this with alternative perspectives to approach her with.
Lack of motivation is a cruel taskmistress, it’s one of the pressures which gave rise to Holding One Point, to learn to be masters or mistresses of our own motivations.
To self-determine – that’s the goal!
I’m trying to present you with different options and approaches to the situation H, hopefully one of them will help. Hard to say ’cause it depends so much on mood, and energy.
H: I’m just miffed…
Me: D’s a stern test of Impeccability. What miffs you are your expectations.
H: I feel like I have to get out. She’s seemingly pleasant. Why am I in such revolt?!
She tests my efficient use of energy? – By impinging on it?
Me: Many reasons. Main one is she isn’t what she tries to be, or appears to try showing.
H: What are my Expectations? I didn’t know I had any. Nor that the situation even allows for it.
Me: She’s constantly demanding. Worst of all she shifts the goals and playing field all the time. So you can’t plan or find ways to work around. That’s why a completely revolutionary strategy is needed.
H: I really don’t care to have that sort of thing in my world.
Me: Yes. But you have to ask yourself what you need to learn from the situation. You have to at least ask, so you can move on.
Being Able to Play
H: Petty tyrant? Yet there’s no real power…
Me: You might not like the situation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t temporarily adopt the mindset necessary to deal with it.
Just doing so will probably be enough. Likely you won’t even have to go through with the application.
H: I do and have asked. This situation is my mother all over again!! Remember right down to the name and birthday. Did I not mention this?
Me: Right. You absolutely refuse to play their games!!
H: I’m just not interested in my mother anymore – no hard feelings.
Just no glue.
She just won’t let go energetically – hence this manifestation.
Me: Yes. But I didn’t mean it that way. I meant, you must refuse to play those games, with or without them.
H: And I’m not interested.
Me: Maybe just step back a second and look at it all again. The problem is one from a Universal Perspective.
H: What’s this thing with my mother revisited? The long and the short, she just will not leave me be energetically!!
Me: You don’t want to, and refuse to play their games. Very good. On a moral, ethical and nice person level that’s all excellent.
Hang in here with me and we’ll get to it
I mean it’s really a good thing, your refusal to involve yourself with their silliness. But refusing to play and not being able to play isn’t the same.
That’s what the Universe is trying to tell you. You HAVE to play, or at least just be prepared to play. Even if it’s only just once, so you’ll have developed the ability to be able to play. If needed, you CAN! That’s all the Universe is asking.
H: I saw it as an exercise in not having my energy impinged upon. I choose to not have my time and energy impinged upon. That happened when I was paying rent and now there’s seemingly a legitimate reason for it, the rent exchange.
Me: It wants to make sure when it comes to this kind of thing, to these most onerous of dirty games, that you can and will, and know how to, that you’re able to get your own hands dirty.
It’s beyond the details.
You have to acquire an onerous and distasteful ability. If only temporarily, perhaps for only a fraction of time, but the Universe has to make sure you know how.
H: I CHOOSE TO NOT, TO NOT HAVE, my Energy Impinged Upon!!
Me: That way people like D, when they look into your soul on the gridwork, they’ll see the echo of that stain and they’ll know you can.
H: Yes, I’ve a Distaste for this kind of thing.
Me: Yes, awesome angel, play their game a bit, even if it’s distasteful, it’s necessary. In the Great Scheme, Appropriateness trumps all.
Sometimes reason, logic and good intentions don’t work, sadly.
Just work her case a little bit and it’ll all be good, you’ll see.
H: It’s Appropriate for me to do the exchange because hey, I live here. Yet I just do not want to comply, everything in me riles against this.
Me: She won’t like it one little bit, but she won’t be able to complain either.
Yes, this is precisely a case where reason and logic fall away, your task is to INSIST on something illogical and unreasonable, that’s precisely the challenge.
H: Won’t like what? She doesn’t like my current demeanour, however subtle. She knows it’s not compliant like before.
Me: You have to be the unreasonable bitch for a bit. Be demanding, be unfair, unreasonable, ask for what you don’t deserve, no, demand it, but do it in such a way it’s an expectation, a right, there’s no argument. It just is what it is. That’s your taking, being a pirate, not a happy pirate this time, a true pirate, a bitch pirate. Lol.
H: Are you saying I ought to just tell her I can’t do this. Exactly as it is. Which is highly illogical.
Me: Basically. If you abstract it, you need to do exactly what she and your mother and my mother does.
H: Considering the situation…
Me: Except you’ll do it with full Awareness and you’ll stow the ability away as far as you possibly can when you’re done with it.
I don’t mean have a fight with her, mind you, it’s just an attitude, an expectation, an air, a certitude, an arrogance, an unreasonableness, a demand with every expectation it will be fulfilled.
You’ll eat your cake and have it too!
Examination and Realisation
H: Which is what exactly? I guess I never really cared to look to closely at what they really did.
I’m hyper-ventilating… dizzy… my eyesight.
I’m not feeling well, nausea,
dizzy… drunk.. I’m feeling strange…
Me: It’s a power rush sweetness. Love yourself for a bit, hug yourself and drink water. The joy of and love of life.
I wish I could be there to hug you.
But I can feel you against my side when I close my eyes… (: <3
I’m holding you tightly H, tightly.
H: I don’t know about that. I’m okay now. Getting myself together. That strange feeling came over me with the realisation I never looked, or more specifically, I never wanted too look to closely,