“Disconnecting from default unthinking behaviour, responses, and reactions is a crux matter.“
Such unhooking can be simple, relatively easy to apply, and has profound consequences, many instantly transformative, if…
Typically, when embarking on Change, I’ve found we become diverted because of lack of focus, leading to a lack of momentum and persistence. We perceive the entirety of the issue, in all its complexity and set about dealing with it. But, the mind is not particularly geared to holding multiplicity in consciousness for longer than brief focused exercises. The moment we cease that immersion, much is lost. Unless, unless we make the effort to save our labours. What’s needed is a mental filename.
Such a filename is “Should.“
If we deliberately make “Should’ a mini-obsession, convert it into a perpetual part of our focus and perception we start a massive impactful habit. If we set our internal computer to always have “should” as an ongoing filter and search, scrutinising ALL our behaviour, interaction, perception and perspectives, as well as everything we encounter, for evidence of “Should,” soon we see its insidious influence everywhere.
“The more we recognise external “Should,” the more we recognise its infestation within.“
This focus on the underlying reasons for our actions makes us acutely Aware of exactly how un-free we really are. Here we had prided ourselves on our independence, but really, we come to realise, we still do much because of “should.” When we examine those actions, activities, interactions, and particularly relationships, we quickly see the root cause of our misery. We don’t want to do so much we engage in, not in the least, yet we do. Why? Because of that horror, “should!”
From this one singular persistent focus of noticing “should,” much results. To unhook from “should,” to kiss it goodbye, what’s needed? To truly claim our deeply desired Independence-of-Being, what’s required of us? We have to acquire much. Courage for a start. Next comes Trust. Trust in our OWN capability to determine Sensibility.
Whenever we abrogate our freedom-of-choice to “should,” we are in essence saying; “I’m incapable of determining what’s good for me, by myself.” How does this make any sense at all? If this were really true, well, we are lost. Yes, of course we learn from everything around us, but, in the end, we, and we alone, the individual, is the Final-Arbiter-of-Truth. If it’s not us, we’re not living our own life, but someone else’s.
As we persist in weeding out “Should,” we find other benefits. We realise how we think, how we perceive, how we relate and connect. Once we Understand we’ve been defaulting to someone else’s idea and thoughts and beliefs, and after the horror abates, joy sets in, as now we realise we can start living our OWN lives, think our own thoughts, make our own choices and decisions. A heady power, and a delicious freedom.
New Choices, New Questions
Most excitingly, we develop the habit of simply asking a sincere, earnest sober, “Why?” to what we took for granted. We ask “Why?” to what we had done before without any thought at all. And now, we find reasons to our why, because it’s asked with an expectation of reply, asked with an insistence on answer, which leads us to see for the most part, there IS no good reason why we do so much which brings us nothing but misery, stress, or wastes our time. There’s really no good justification for why we insist on doing so much of what we do simply because of that corrupter of independence: “Should.”
What a liberation to realise there’s absolutely no need whatsoever to do what all our lives we thought we needed to. It’s somewhat humbling to recognise how much we’ve done, how much we’ve lived, how much time we’ve wasted, all because of an unquestioning default to “Should.” But the joy of our newfound freedom, exquisite!!!
Living should-less is profound. Suddenly it is US who are doing the living. All of our Self and everything we are, want to be, intend to be, is suddenly all in play. Now US, ourselves, our own individuality, is our own deliberate choice! When we unhook from “should” it’s like a fog is lifted from the mind. Suddenly WE start actually thinking, deciding, choosing, and it’s glorious!
Maintaining a constant awareness of “should” is a most worthwhile practice and habit to cultivate, as the effects of such a vigilance are incalculably significant. Unhooking leads to the necessity to self-decide, which leads to all the magic of choice, leading us to the delights of Replacement. All starting with a perpetually leveraged focused attention on “should.”
A handy reminder:
“We shouldn’t should on ourselves.“
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