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Eska Convo 1 - Self-Description, Self-Appreciation, Helping

Eska: – Yeees?

Syl: – One second. So so so, never mind all that, most important. How did your visit go? Did you. Did you succeed in your objective of keeping Jay happy.

Eska: – Yeah, he’s…

Syl: – You did! Ah, brilliant brilliant. That’s exciting. That’s exciting.

Eska: – It was fun. I had a lot of fun.

Syl: – Oh good good. And everything was fine and cool?

Eska: – Yeah.

Syl: – And here’s the important part, all your worrying beforehand, did it help in any way?

Eska: – No!

Syl: – Exactly! And was it valuable in any way, was it beneficial in any way? Fuck no! It was a waste of time right?

Eska: – Right.

Syl: – Okay well I hope you learned the lesson.

[laughing…]

Syl: – Don’t bloody waste your time with rubbish. You’re cool, you’re fine, you’re good, right?

Eska: – I think so.

Syl: – There you go. I know so. Just chill and enjoy yourself for crickey’s sake. It’s bloody simple, don’t make it complicated for no reason. Yeah?

Eska: – Yeah.

Syl: – It’s good that you had fun, so, so what did they say and what did they do? Tell me about what happened.

Eska: – Oh well we… we ate dinner and everything was fine, And I went and met all the horses, they have a bunch of horses so…

Syl: – Horses, not horses-arses?

Eska: – Horses.

[laughing…]

Syl: – From what you said before… might be the latter right?

Eska: – Yeah. No I met my horses, Bongo and all the… I can’t even remember all the names now, but, I met a bunch of horses and then, this was after dinner and then we played this game called the Game of Things. have you ever heard of it?.

Syl: – The Game of Things? Sorry I wasn’t sure I heard properly?

Eska: – Yeah, the Game of Things yeah.

Syl: – Oh interesting. Okay.

Eska: – And I… we came home and… you know, I had a little bit of a issue with my mother and… [rough coughing] Sorry…

Syl: – Yeah I’m sorry too. Every time I hear that.

Eska: – Yeah I know.

Eska Convo 1 - Self-Description, Self-Appreciation, Helping

Syl: – [laughing] I, I… have to give you a hard time, don’t I?

Eska: – Yeah.

Syl: – Anyway,  and so your mother was being full of nonsense?

Eska: – Well… she was just… she was just being… stingy with the alcohol. I… I came home, and of course, of course I needed a drink because I was gone for two hours.

Syl: – Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Back back back that up. Back  that up. Hang on hang on. I’m gotta pause you there. As much as I am interested in hearing this fascinating story, right, words have power, no?

Eska: – Go ahead and say whatever you gonna say…

Syl: – No, I… I wanna know, words have power… self, self-words especially have power right.

Eska: – Yes!

Syl: – Okay, so what’s the “Of course” all about?

Eska: – Okay.

Syl: – I mean it’s…

Eska: – I just wanted it…

Syl: – I serious, no no…

Eska: – I just wanted to feel good…

Syl: – Yeah yeah, but I mean why is it, “of course?” I’m not disputing that at that time it was appropriate and that’s how you felt. That’s cool. Yes. You felt like a drink in the school. But why does it have to be, “of course?”.

Eska: – Okay…

Syl: – The rest is fine. Do you agree with me?

Eska: – Yes.

Syl: – Because, I mean, you kind of locking that in, by saying, “of course,” no?

Eska: – Oh my god…

Syl: – That’s where I stick…

Eska: – You’re right. And I used to live, I used to live like this. But what the fuck has happened to me?

Syl: – Right. So it’s just, it’s just habit of words. That’s it, just Awareness, that’s all. And you can re-change that. So, yeah you felt like a drink. You felt like a drink, no problem, it was appropriate in the time, no problem that’s cool. “Of course,” that’s a massive problem. That’s determining the future, which I dunno, that, that’s not cool. Right?  It’s like why do you want to box yourself?

Eska: – I don’t know…

Syl: – Don’t you want freedom?

Eska: – Yes!

Syl: – Doesn’t that piss you off? That you like kind of screwing over your own freedom?

Eska: – Yes especially when I wake up in the morning and I’m like, “I gotta have a drink, I gotta have a drink, I gotta have a drink.

Syl: – Exactly! No more, no more “of courses,” no more “gotta haves.” None of that shit. Nah, sorry, you’re free. You’re not, you’re not a slave to anything. Even, even your own knuckleheadedness and nincompoopery. Right?

Eska Convo 1 - Self-Description, Self-Appreciation, Helping

[laughing]

Syl: – But It’s true. We, we don’t have to be a slave to it, once we aware of it and we acknowledge it and we say, “Hey hey, whoa whoa wait a minute, okay I’m a knucklehead and a nincompoop, but I refuse to be a slave to being an idiot.” Right?

Eska: – Right…

Syl: – There ya go. Life is easy man. It’s awesome.

Eska: – [sighs]

Syl: – That’s why I love you so, because you so honest about this shit, you know that?

Eska: – Mmm…

Syl: – It’s like, yeah, you see it, and you say, “Yeah I was being stupid, I was being foolish…” You know some other people I chat to, it’s like oh my God you know to get to that point of acknowledgement.. like, “No fuck I don’t want this crap.” And yeah it was stupid… Aaah… It’s like, ages and ages and pages and pages of defensiveness and squirming, and, “Well… but actually, no really you see, and, ya, it’s because of this and that, and you know, my… this reason and that reason.

I mean you of anyone can dump a lot of shit on your mother, but do you ever? No you don’t. It’s you. Yeah, your mother has some influence, and yeah you know she’s a corrupting factor, but the bottom line, you know your shit is because of you. Not because of your mother. you know what I mean?

Eska: – Right. Exactly. Hnh…

Syl: – It’s awesome. Yeah, it’s just awesome. Look I’m not in to like gratuitous flattery. And this is not about boosting the ego and saying, “Oh like yeah, is like you know… yeah yes you are wonderful and marvellous, but it’s not an ego issue. It it’s simply an accuracy issue. Yeah?

Eska: – Yeah.

Syl: – I mean I’m trying to get you to seee… more accurately.

Eska: – I just feel like you’re trying to help me and…

Syl: – Not trying to help you necessarily. I’m just trying to Share my perspectives so you can ask yourself, if, if that’s useful to you, cool. If not, it’s useful to ME to share this kind of insight and understanding and discernment, you know what I mean? It, it, it’s like super valuable to me, to chat to you, and to to to apply my my my Understandings of you, of people, of motivation, of mechanisms, of tools of change, of ways to apply, and be. It’s all fantastically valuable to me. Seriously, if you get benefit, that’s a bonus to me, but it’s not why I do it specifically.

Eska: – Okay.

Syl: – And and why is this important. I’m actually just now making a post about exactly this.

Eska: – Right.

Syl: – It’s important, and and it’s critical, because I can’t presume to know what’s good for you. I can suggest yes, I I can maybe explore with you what is potentially good for you or useful to you. And that’s the process about it’s action and that’s what’s exciting is exploring what may be useful not just to you but to anybody. To me. Right?

Eska: – Ya.

Syl: – That same, that same that same mechanism of my own words.

Eska: – Yeah, it’s got to be both ways or it…

Syl: – Of course, of course.

Eska: – …or it’s pointless yeah.

Eska Convo 1 - Self-Description, Self-Appreciation, Helping

Syl: – And it is! It’s huge. To me it’s like all one way. It’s like, man I’m getting all the benefit here, I just hope that you find some value in it because you know that you keep talking to me. You know, that’s my hope really. But to presume so, fuck no. Ah-ah, that’s an arrogance I don’t go anywhere near. And that just goes against everything. That’s why I don’t even like to use the word help. I’m not interested in helping anybody. Hey, if I can assist you, if you ask me, that’s different. But to think that, presume, I could be of help, nah, that’s an arrogance I want nothing to do with. Cause that’s like really a path that we can go down, and we can very easily get lost in that. And how is it, how how how, just how, how does a… an acknowledged known, a very clear and and and deliberately aware nincompoop, believe that they gonna be helpful?

[laughing]

Syl: – Exactly, exactly! Your laugh is exactly the appropriate response. It’s ludicrous! It’s outrageous! It’s like come on! You know?

Eska: – I know, right…

Syl: – Like it’s… eh, all these people going on about how I’m helpful, how I’m a guru and all this shit… Ohw! Bullshit man, you know, do what you do for you. If it’s helpful, fine, if not… Share! Sharing is helpful. Always. Yes that is helpful, sharing. But sharing is not with the Intent to be helpful. It’s the… with the intent to share, knowing that it might be, knowing that that sharing is beneficial to everybody. To me, when we share, we counter-share we interact, we understand, we get involved in stuff like you and I do. Aah, it’s freakin’ brilliant man. Yeah?

Eska: – Yeah.

Syl: – There you go… Life is easy man, life is easy. Anyway. You, you were telling me something exciting. So you got home and, you had your drink, oh, and your mom didn’t want to share her booze with you..

Eska: – Right. [laughs] So uh… Jonathan had to buy it. Well he didn’t have to, but he did buy me some, so, so that I wouldn’t have to interact with her, you know, because she was there…

Syl: – Yah…I tell you, I’m, I’m just fascinated, inordinately fascinated at the good people that you have who love you.

Eska: – Yah.

Syl: – How is what Jonathan’s doing there, not just like, super awesome goodness? I mean to me it’s like over and above. I mean.. is Jonathan…? Agh… you know, I, I can’t see him, like, being somebody who wants to encourage your drinking necessarily more than what it is already, but yet he… he helps you out. You, you understand what I mean? That, that’s like super love, isn’t it?

Eska: – Yeah he’s nice.

[laughing]

I love him very much.

Syl: – Yeah that’s the point I want to make though is that people aren’t just nice for no reason. I mean yes there are people who try to be that way, to have a freedom-of-being where they can, can love without… you know, err, without reward, to not have like a consequence, and that’s why… But typically people, they need to be motivated also to love, and that’s the point I want to make, to you, about you, to you understanding yourself. People are motivated to love you.

Eska: – Why…

And why… That’s just like kinda weird luck, is it just like kinda this this like other feed in the universe?

Eska: – It’s loving too. I’m a loving person.

Syl: – You’re right. Exactly. Ya ya, not maybe, it was like, duh! It’s just a obvious thing, it’s like no big deal. It’s like well duh. You love people for the same reason don’t you?

Eska: – Yes…

Syl: – So why does your love apply to others and it’s okay and cool and sensible, but when people do it to you uh… now suddenly it’s this weird nonsense?

[laughing]

Syl: – Am I right? [laughing]

Eska: – Well…

Syl: – We so bloody cock-eyed sometimes, like yeah… It’s just goodness. I, I understand, I understand why. It’s the goodness of humility. But we can take humility and modesty too far. And then it becomes inappropriate, right?

Eska: – Yes, yes yes I di… I’ve done that. I take full responsibility for that.

Syl: – Exactly, you to it regularly, never mind have done that.

[laughing]

Eska: – Why don’t we do it…

Let me correct that. Whoa whoa… let me correct that.

Eska: – I’m trying… I’ve been trying much much better not ta…

Syl: – Exactly. Exactly. That’s why I wanted to correct my words, because when I said you do that, I implied that it was an ongoing thing. What I should’ve said is to be really truly accurate and not to que stuff for the future, I should have said, “You USED to do that. Yeah? What what I was trying to say is, and, and, I was, I was, I was… inaccurate in what I did say, and and I apologise. And and and it’s it’s a big deal because it’s exactly what we’re talking about accurate usage of words. And I really make an effort to be this way, to use them accurately, why am I like catching myself. See? And it’s really cool and I’m emphasising catching myself, so I can train my brain to catch myself more, so kind of double stuff involved, right, multiple layers. So, so what I should’ve said is, you USED to do that. Not that you ARE doing it, right?

Eska Convo 1 - Self-Description, Self-Appreciation, Helping
 
#SelfDescription #SelfAppreciation #Helping #EskaConvos #SelfHonesty #Nincompoopery
 
(Wanna chat like this, just let me know.

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