Dear A, Your answer lies in your question, in Perspective. What is the worst thing good for? It is a good bad example. Typically when we evaluate negative and positive we tend to look only at the physical or material consequences and results. But if we look at the matter from a more abstract perspective, it all changes.
For instance, if we ask ourselves: “What am I being forced to learn here?’ Then we typically come to an entirely different view of the situation. A key Understanding we need to have is that learning itself is good, and something we desire. If not, we are doomed to suffer as we will fail to learn how to get out of negative situations and how to prevent them as they will repeat in various ways until we learn what we need to learn.
We can see this pattern often in relationships. Most of us have a friend whose relationships repeatedly end in disaster. But then the very next relationship is very similar and we say: “Won’t they ever learn that kind of person is no good for them?” Or something like that. We see these patterns in others, but sometimes fail to see them in ourselves.
When we experience repeat negativity, and we ask ourselves what we need to learn, the trick is to shift our perspective to less specific personal qualities, to qualities of character, perception and Awareness. To further our understanding. We can look to see if we need more patience, or more honesty with ourselves, a deeper understanding. What are our motives, our goals, are they worthwhile goals or shallow indulgences? Are our goals even attainable? So often we pursue impossible goals. In relationships for instance, many pursue the goal of having a perfect partner, but make no efforts to improve themselves, resulting in an unfulfillable goal, as without the necessary skills of being, we’re unable to recognise or appreciate what’s ideal for us, or even be with such a person.
There are also some practical steps we can take to avoid negativity and increase positivity. One is to develop the habit of Anticipation. “If we can see trouble before it sees us, it’s easy to get out of the way.“
Another is to closely examine our Expectations. These can be self-fulfilling. Not because of any woo-woo magic, but simply because of how the brain and mind works. We perceive a huge amount in our daily lives, way too much to process, so we filter the world, only noticing that which is pertinent, relevant, unusual, important and so on. Those filters are greatly influenced by our expectations. If we expect the negative, that’s what we will filter, and thus connect to, and experience. It’s not that our world is any more negative necessarily, we are just focusing on that part of the world. The positive is right there also, all we have to do is tune in to it.
Asking ourselves what we get out of the negative is a most revealing question, if we are willing to be totally honest with ourselves. Often we can become hooked to some payoff of negativity, which we might not realise keeps us connected to these happenings. Like sympathy and pity for instance. For many this is a massive payoff, and they come to love being victims. They get all sorts of attention and even assistance and many other benefits. But of course they pay a hefty price for these crappy payoffs.
There is much on this subject, and if I keep going I could easily write a whole book on it, but the main thing is simply our willingness and desire for positivity. We have to make it a habit. We have to insist on developing the habit of Unrelenting Positivity. But! We have to be careful, many assume Positivity to be foolish insistence on seeing the world through rose coloured glasses, and thus being naive and silly. That is not positivity, but nincompoopery. Unrelenting positivity is founded in Realism, and this means we see the ALL of the world, the positive and the negative, the difference is in what we Emphasise! This is our trick, our skill, what we Selectively Emphasise. In this way, we never lose touch with the negative and are thus not fools blinded by a chosen perspective, but sophisticated wielders of Awareness, choosing how we relate to the world.
The easiest way to start developing the habit of Unrelenting Positivity is to take full Responsibility for our choices. Once we understand that experiencing the world positively or negatively is OUR choice, then whenever we are miserable, we need but ask: “Why am I choosing to feel this way?” Many thrive on challenge, on overcoming obstacles, on figuring a way out, and so forth. We can be one of those, if we so choose. It’s up to us. Unrelenting Positivity is a personal Responsibility we can Choose. We have that power.
Ask Biella – Gateway Gazette
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